Jan 15, 2018

A Good Weekend

Today begins my fourth cycle since our second miscarriage.
Looking back, I realized the last three cycles had been filled with a bit too much false-joy and false-hope.
A hope I fabricated that, perhaps, if we just stopped IVF, I would naturally become pregnant and live happily ever after. So for the two weeks of every cycle following ovulation, I would be filled to the brim with ecstatic expectations, only to crumble in a pile of emotions and tears when my period would show up; right on time.

If you haven't realized by now, I am a relatively emotional person.
I cry a lot. Both when I'm happy and I'm sad.
Sometimes those emotions take over rational thinking, so I have worked hard over the last 15 years to take the reigns on them.

Because dudes, these huge emotions can be as draining as running a marathon.

Although there is nothing wrong with positive thinking, it's realizing my miracle didn't come as I intended it to, and seeing my emotions unravel in the complete opposite direction that is concerning.

Life, to me, shouldn't be all about these extreme high's and low's. That's how I lived during IVF and I am diligently working to close that chapter of my life for good.

I have been working towards a lovely middle ground, one not dictated by my menstrual cycle.
And guess what?
When CD1 rolled in right on time today, I wasn't mad or sad.
I thanked God that it showed up, revealing it was not my time, yet I was still healthy and functioning appropriately.

I could not have been happier this weekend.
I felt worn down, between the weather and a constant schedule of work and work-outs and therapy and social events.

I took a lot of time this weekend to rest and read.
I dove into The Case for Christ, which to me is rather intense.
You see, I literally know nothing about Jesus or the bible or any of the details.
So while this book feeds my need for research and questions, I do spend a lot of time Googling words and information I hadn't heard of until now, to provide an overall context to what I'm reading.
I believe this is a good place to start, though, and although I'm only like 50 pages in, I'll keep chipping away at the book until I make it through.

In between, I made food and spent time with close friends.
As good as down-time is for my soul, it's equally energizing to pick up where I left off with the friendships I treasure the most. You know which ones the good ones are when it's irrelevant how much time has passed between visits.

Burn and I made a quick trip to Home Depot to pick-up some supplies for the upcoming bathroom renovation. He gets more than his fair share of attention at that place and is always up for a car-ride, even if it's to the vet!

A lot of the pieces to this project are falling into place, and the parts I am still questioning will work themselves out as I dive in. At this point I think I just need to rip the band-aid off and get to work.
No, I have never dyed grout, used chalked furniture paint, or re-painted tile...but what's the worst that can happen. Eek!

Besides, I actually think the biggest annoyance will be the prep. There is a TON of sanding and cleaning that has to take place before a drop of paint is applied.
Not to mention I literally need to move everything out of that room and set us up in the other bathroom until everything is finished.

I'll try to document as much as possible in case you're thinking of taking on a similar task in your own home. At the very least you can learn from all the mistakes I'm bound to make!!

Happy Monday! Thanks for reading! XO

1 comment:

  1. So glad you had a nice weekend! and I'm so glad we got to do lunch!