Dec 8, 2017

Want a Happier Christmas? Do This

ramp up your anxiety meds

Not quite, although I can't say I'm not already doing that.

Hands down the easiest way to be happier at Christmas is simple.


See? It's like one step.
Easy peasy.

Let's talk it out, though.

I figured a snarky "do this, not that" post would fit the bill. Ready?

DO give a shit about buying presents for those that deserve it family.
DON'T give a shit about them being perfectly wrapped.

Yes, wrapping paper and tags and bows and ribbons are super cute, but it's also annoying as shit when the seams don't line up, the paper won't cut nicely, the tape gets stuck to your hand, the dogs ass is in the way, and something tears in transit to the party you're headed to.
The expectations are too high these days!

Plus, we all know how quickly those little hyenas (I mean kids, and husband for that matter) tear through that beautifully wrapped paper, just to quickly GASP at the present, fling it aside, and move onto the next one.

What took you 20 minutes per present is undone in the blink of an eye.

Side note: I wish I could say I'm one of those people that can pre-wrap gifts and display them under the tree so I can admire my own handi-work. But the reality is, I have a fat bulldog that likes to snoop around and chew up boxes and a really old cat that tends to have trouble finding his litter box.

It's quite the shit show. pun intended

DO spend some time with loved ones
DON'T feel obligated to spend ALL your time with EVERYONE just because it's Christmas.

You have important things to do like sleep, nap, zone out, get drunk and pet your dog, get drunk and admire your Christmas decor, just stop doing stuff for five minutes, etc, etc.

DO plan out the meal if hosting a festive dinner
DON'T get worked up if all the table settings don't match.

Anyone who is anyone I know doesn't own table settings for 20 people.
If you do (where do you keep your secrets?)
SO WHAT if the kids have to eat on paper plates.
SO WHAT if you decide to pull out the 4th of July paper plates FOR EVERYONE because you worked you ass off all day in the kitchen and the LAST thing you wanna do is clean up after all those scavengers destroy your house, eat all your food, and complain about their latest ailments for most of the evening.

I love a good game plan heading into any hosted event. But not all the details need to be perfect. Something catches on fire, dishes get broken, you lose track of time and can't squeeze in a shower, your husband is always no where to be found just as guests arrive (early) and demand cocktails.

Which leads me to....

DO chill champagne and festive beer in the fridge
DON'T expect to serve everyone some hand-shook cocktail all night.

Take a cue from me.

I love a fancy cocktail more than anyone, with all the unique ingredients and accouterments, but there is definitely a time and a place.
And that place is most definitely NOT at your big Christmas party (unless you HIRED a bartender, in which case...where is my invite!?)

You know what looks festive AF and takes zero effort?
Pink champagne and a maraschino cherry.
Just give it a fancy name like Rudolph Bubbly and people will think you put more thought into it than you actually did. People just wanna get drunk anyways, so why make it complicated?

DO decorate to some extent for Christmas.
DON'T worry if you give up half-way 

The main thing I keep thinking of with every piece of glitter-bombed decor I put up?
It has to all come down at some point.

And who honestly has time to make their house look like a Homegoods display?!
If you do, more power to you...but it should be because you WANT to, not because you feel obligated.

If it's not, just do what I did and forgo anything on the Christmas tree.
The lights look just fine by themselves. All I have to do is unplug the tree and shove it back in the box in January.

DO make your husband buy some of the gifts on your list
DON'T do it all yourself

AND if you're feeling extra sassy...make him wrap the damn things too. While you're watching him apply his third layer of tape over the wrinkled paper (how did that actually happen?) gulp your wine and remember the above motto....the hyenas will tear it off faster than you can blink an eye.

DO something that brings YOU joy this Christmas
DON'T tailor the magic to everyone else on your list

Just because my husband and I don't have kids doesn't mean we can't do the fun kid-stuff for Christmas! You can bet your ass we'll be buying McDonald's and cruising around one evening looking at all the Christmas lights!

Or just getting all festive in some Christmas pj's and dancing around like fools.
Party of 2 y'all!!

Yes, I know all you women out there can make the most magical moments, pick the best gifts, cook the best food, and host your asses off....but that doesn't mean you have to kill yourself in the process!!

If it brings you joy, do it.
If you hesitate and would rather not.
Fucking don't do it.
You don't need that kind of pressure in your life!

We can't be everything to everyone, and the only person that truly matters is your own personal sense of health and well-being. If things fall off your plate, literally and figuratively, then let it be.

There will always be someone else to gather the pieces or a dog to lick up the scraps.

Tis the season, folks! Thanks for reading!! XO


  1. This pretty much just made my life.

  2. Amen to all of this. My tree is half-decorated (and it’s going to stay that way). We had a date night Monday and drive around for a couple of hours looking at Christmas lights. Just us two. And it was great.

  3. Cannot tell you how much I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this!! And laughed my ass off--esp. at the dog's ass being in the way when you're wrapping---YESSSS!!! Noting is more festive than dog-hair-infested Scotch tape on a nicely wrapped present.