Dec 13, 2017

Kindness To You

I see you.

You, over there, plastering on a fake smile in the midst of a crowd, pushing that glimpse of sadness to the background as you remember your loss.

I see you and I understand.

Christmas is always so bittersweet, right?
The feelings of those that were snatched away from our lives too soon come to the forefront.

We strive to make magic and memories during these final weeks of each year, vowing to cherish each fleeting moment.

It seems counter-productive to dwell on those sad feelings; the ones that bubble up you stare a bit too long at the glow of your Christmas tree.

However, I believe that sort of reflection is a necessary part of life.
Self-care to sit with the grief for a bit of time.
To allow it to just...hover for a while.

It's okay to feel a little sad this time of year.
I would fare to guess most of us have lost something or someone in our lives that we wished we could have back, for just another day, right?

Among all the parties and social events, there are quiet moments when it's just you and your memories.
And those hot tears streaming down your face mean you care and you are alive.
So, please, embrace them.

Let them flow, and then hug your spouse, or your pup, or phone a friend or family member.
Catch up and laugh and cry.

Gather friends for a very casual dinner.
Lay some flowers on a grave site.
Play fetch with your pets for a few extra minutes.
Bite your tongue when the urge for anger rises.
Give the kids an extra dessert.
Sip another glass of wine.

Slow. Down. and give some kindness to yourself.

I, for one, am smack dab between the one-year mark of two rather monumental losses in my personal life. We lost our most beloved French Bulldog, Crash, and at this time last year, I was still carrying my baby boy.

I read my first published essay to Mark, about our IVF struggles and life thereafter, and it re-hashed some vivid moments regarding our miscarriage. Reading those words out loud stung more than typing them, and we sat and hugged and cried together.

We remembered how crazy it was to get the voicemail to tell us I was pregnant.
How we were given new titles of Mom and Dad that day.
And the joy that surrounded our success and the love we felt from those near and far.

It was such a great time and we will forever treasure the brief moments we had with our little boy.

So this Christmas, we are talking a lot.
When we are sad, we slow down and embrace each other, as tightly as needed.
And when we are happy, we celebrate.

We are turning towards each other, extending kindness, knowing how fragile our emotions are this month.

I urge you to do the same.
To vocalize the happy moments and the sad ones, too.
You are not alone.
Those in the similar shoes, please, give a little more kindness to others, and most importantly, to yourself.

Good Tidings to You, wherever you are. XO

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