Mar 22, 2017

Documenting Our Journey Moving Forward

Mark and I have always been in two different places when it comes to spilling the details about this journey.

I am very much an open book.
I want to tell you everything I know, in detail, the moment it happens.

The catch-22 to my side is....if things start to go south, I have a hard time writing out my thoughts and tend to get stressed out and angry that everyone keeps asking for updates.

But that's what I get, right?
If I'm excited...then you get excited.

And if I'm struggling....well, as a society, we want all the juicy details, even if it's negative.
I know this first hand because my miscarriage post more than quadrupled my normal amount of blog traffic.

When I write a post, I tend to get around ~600 readers per day.
When I told you I miscarried, I got over 4,000 readers that day alone.

As Don Henley sang....people like dirty laundry.

With Mark, he would rather I not tell people anything, ever.
Our personal life has nothing to do with you, so why would I talk about it?

His catch-22, is when he realizes just how many people are rallying around us, rooting for us through this whole process and actually telling us how excited they are?

He is completely grateful and dumbfounded that all these wonderful people in our lives actually care.

As we navigate 2017...I have thought long and hard about what I want to do vs. what is good for both of us.

I will continue to update our journey, but at a more relaxed pace.

Currently, there are a lot of variables that need to find their home.

Knowing we are, perhaps, starting from square one again regurgitates all sorts of emotions:

giddiness for the fresh start
terror for the chance of failing again
worry about handling the whole process better
excitement for the chance to succeed
calm to try and hand off the results to God

Although we are clearly veterans in a life we never intended to live, this is our normal right now, and I open the opportunity to embrace the chaos and carve out more time for US in the process.

Do thoughts about babies and IVF and updates and money still constantly flood my brain?
You betcha.

But does that mean I need to make them my focus of my every move in life.
Hell no.

That means less updates.

Last year it was gogogo to the finish line.
Anything in the future will consist of...well, quite honestly I don't know what it will consist of.
It's a strange time right now.

How can YOU help?

Let me tell you.

Infertility is tough because know one knows how to handle it unless you've been there yourself.
Most nice people with good intentions tend to ask a lot of questions and offer unsolicited advice because, well....that's just how it goes.

The well-intended or not-really-that-harmful comment or suggestion may seem okay at the time, because at face value we will smile and say we're okay, but we are likely going home to dwell on the hand we've been dealt and possibly cry about the unfairness of it all....

Most people "think" they can relate, but honestly, even us infertiles don't have a lot more in common than the fact that we all have to do a lot of shots and see a specialist more times in a year than most do in a lifetime.

All of our paths are incredibly unique, just like the individuals walking them.

Infertility comes with its own set of guidelines and expectations that even I have a hard time grasping.

It's really more like a spooked animal....let the infertiles come to you...don't come barging at us, or we'll get scared.

It would help tremendously, to not constantly ask for updates and timelines and when is this happening and when is that happening....about babies.

And I get that may sound harsh.

But the thing is, if we have something to share, then we'll share it. Right?

And if we don't feel like talking about it, then we won't talk about it. Make sense?

I think that's more than fair to try and keep a normal-ish life in the process.

Let us come to you.

Thank you for reading and respecting our wishes and tagging along on this insane journey.
It ain't over til it's over.  XO :)


  1. Yep, it's hard to not want to jump in and ask all sorts of questions - you and I are so much alike - I want to tell the world everything, my husband? Not so much. It wasn't until he got sick and people left comments that he started reading that he really got the "internet friend" thing and those comments lifted him up when he was lying in bed.

    That being said, girlfriend, we need to get together for dranks - maybe dinner during the week at Kelsey Road House to catch up?


  2. Continued love and prayers for you both.

  3. So interesting about the increased traffic with such personal posts - right? Whenever I open up on my blog it's insane the response. You are so right: people like the juicy stuff - good or bad.

  4. Thinking about you . . . prayers and all the good vibes for you!