Nov 30, 2016

And then I exhaled

Thank you so, so much for your kind words over the past week!
I love the excitement surrounding our big, super awesome news!
I can't believe how many hundreds, upon hundreds of people reached out in celebration!
We are DEFINITLY feeling the love around here!!

I think most everyone is in the know at this point, but if you're not, CATCH UP SILLY!
Because I'm fucking pregnant! I think when normal people get knocked up, they tend to go into super-planning mode.

I mean, don't get me wrong...I have basically already set a date for my baby shower, but all the other stuff?

Daycare, labor, hospital tour, birth plans, baby names, maternity leave, whether or not I will actually ever make it to the gym again, when exactly I will stop eating popcorn for every meal, etc
....I just haven't given it any thought.

I actually don't think of much right now.
Mark is thrilled.

I have literally been pregnant for a hot second....even though we have clearly been trying for years.

You would think I should already have all this stuff figured out.

But I totally don't.

After spending SO. MUCH. TIME. trying to figure out exactly why we couldn't get pregnant in the first place, and trying to figure out how to make it happen, most specifically, this last year....
I am spent.

The second we got that voicemail that said we were VERY, VERY PREGNANT...I totally lost my ever-loving shit....and then this wave of calm washed over me.

My inner dialogue was all....duh, this is exactly how it was supposed to be. I don't know why you freaked out this whole year.

Every minute of every day since IVF became a really real thing, I was stressing out about all the little details: medication schedules and appointments and insurance coordination and statistics and phone calls and waiting, waiting, waiting........and it all came down to this ONE. PHONE CALL.

And then it was over.

I wasn't stressed anymore.
I wasn't freaking out about the next appointment.
I wasn't concerned about the next beta number.

It's weird to say that....but I'm just not. I'm not doubting myself anymore.

It worked! I'm so happy.

But I'm absolutely not beaming like I thought I would be.
At least....not all the time.

I go about my day, and when I notice another lovely symptom pop up...I definitely take note, but I'm not tracking or googling anything.


And it's pretty nice.

To be honest....I think we are both in shock that it actually worked.

After barely sliding by most days with positive-ish news, the fact that there is a wee bebe pea IN MY STOMACH....AT THIS VERY kind of crazy.

Like...I am REALLY going to evacuate a baby out of my hoo-ha in 9 months.
We are REALLY going to be parents.
Life is REALLY going to change.

And while we are both clearly handling these realities in different ways, I have made a conscious effort to try and stay calm, remain in the present, and stop obsessing over the big picture right now.

It's just too much.

Any additional, un-necessary stress isn't going to help anything at this point.
This baby is coming no matter what!

My lofty goals these days are to keep cooking the baby, not pass out in my chair at work from exhaustion, and try and find a good contour that hides the fat face I'm slowly getting already.

Also sleeping well....that's HUGE at the moment. I used to make fun of Mark constantly for getting up in the middle of the night to pee....and karma has slapped me across the face with that one because I now get up at least twice.

If you have any suggestions or input about those massive preggo body pillows...I'm all ears.
Do I get one? Are they worth it? Should I just steal my husband's pillows?

Ok...this post has been random enough.
Up next....details about the days leading up to transfer!!

Thank you again for all the LOVE!! XO


  1. Isn't the peeing thing SO WEIRD? It's like, um, I don't have a big belly pressing on my bladder yet what the heck. it's all that blood flow though! It slows down in the 2nd tri only to come back worse in the 3rd - ha! I seriously remember loving THAT I HAD A CATHETER in the hospital just to have a break from all the peeing!!

  2. Joy! Pure joy for you and Mark. And I say, don't spend dollars saved for awesome little boy outfits...steal Mark's pillows.

  3. We have been the same way. Savoring each and every milestone instead of just jumping to the end.

    Fiona Stiles Contour Palette

    I'm asking for my snoogle as my xmas gift from the in-laws.