Aug 12, 2016

Chill Out

Deep. Breaths.

Okay! So much to my Type A dismay, I actually can't make the universe do what I'd like it to do.

I can't get my results early.
I have to wait until mid-next week.
I can't make it go faster.

I know. Shocking.

I have been seriously stressing out about these PGD results, to the point where I have this tender spot on the top of my head.
I actually blogged about this in the past, apparently when I work myself into a tizzy, this soft spot develops. It hurts to the touch and I'm not happy about it.

And then I got sad looking back at these past FAR back they were....realizing that we have been on the trail to parenthood for nearly four years.

2012 my grandpa passed, and it sparked the whole biological clock thing, so I spent the rest of the year getting Mark on board. At this point I was convinced we would get knocked up through a condom. Seriously. :)

2013 we tried au natural for what seemed like an eternity. Nothing ever worked. I temped, I timed things, I did the legs in the air, I took supplements, I forced supplements on Mark, and spent every last penny on ovulation and pregnancy pee tests.
We were frustrated, ok...mostly I was frustrated, and Mark was sick of the roller-coaster of emotions that came along with said frustration every month.

2014 we started having more invasive testing completed. Mark tested his shooters. I had an HSG. Bloodwork for both of us. Nothing really seemed wrong.
I did three Clomid cycles and they all failed. I switched to a different OBGYN and without continuing with another Clomid cycle, we decided to move forward with our first IUI.
Enter Dr. Jacobs and Fertility Centers of Illinois.

2015 we geared up for our first IUI only to find out about the whole genetic match thing. Everything stopped abruptly and we didn't exactly know how to handle it so we basically took the year off. My career was a mess at that point anyways.
During our time away from baby making I got a new job, researched the shit out of independent insurance coverage, and life seemed to be in order for 2016.
2015 was probably the most fun we both had in years! No worries really does that to you!

Which brings us to this year.
THE year I have been waiting for, ever so patiently.
But, 2016 has been a mother-fucker.
After waiting and failing and waiting some more for nearly three years, I have had high hopes that 2016 is OUR. YEAR.

And we, kind-of, sort-of, are in the final countdown, right?

I mean, really....after everything we have been through since Day 1, all that is left of this journey is to get our good results, implant one of those perfect little embryos, and ba-da-bing, I'm pregnant!
Right? (Not quite, but we'll get into the details as soon as I get my results.)

But right now, all I can think about are those damn results.
Everything that we have ever done to become parents hinges on whether or not we have any embryos to transfer.


However, I am moving forward as if it's going to be good news.

I have added all my meds, including patches, suppositories, pills, and injections (yes, there are SO. MANY. MORE of them, and these are BIGGER than the other ones) to my calendar.
They were actually delivered yesterday. (I can't wait until I can trade in injection deliveries for nursery deliveries!)

I have a transfer date. (scientifically getting knocked up)
I have a beta date. (blood test to confirm pregnancy worked!)

It's all there....waiting.

Waiting to bring my frozen baby home to our forever home.

Another week folks.
7 days.
I can get through this week with my sanity in tact, right?


If you need me I'll be in a floatie in our pool drinking wine, or browsing the aisles of Homegoods, but not buying a damn thing! (We kind of have a lot of debt right now)

Thanks for reading, XO.


  1. UGH!!! Why do these things TAKE SO LONG!? I'm ready to drive out there and test them myself! LOL! I was so hoping you'd have the results prior to the weekend but hey, Sunday we can totally chill and drink yummy wine together! Looking forward to seeing you both :)

  2. What a journey you guys have been on these last four years, Tia. Try to relax and enjoy this weekend. Next week will be a roller coaster of emotions for you guys. You can do this!!! xoxo

  3. The hurry up and wait would be hard for me too. I know it's a roller coaster but I know you'll get a baby out of this one way or another! Until then, cheers! :D

  4. Good things come to those who wait, right?! Yes, that's what we are going with here!

  5. All you can do is continue moving forward! Your roller coaster sounds SO exhausting, but there's only one way out - forward! You can do this.