Jun 21, 2016

The Kitchen Sink

Oh hey there.
Mark and I had a 7:15am follow-up consultation with Dr. Jacobs this morning to discuss just what hell is wrong with us and how we are changing things moving forward to yield better results.

This is also known, in the TTC world, as the WTF Appointment.

Because really....What. The Fuck.....is wrong?

After I shed a couple tears in his office, I booked it over to Walgreens to pick-up some new make-up, because, as a 50% Southern lady, you don't go out in public without your face on.

Side note: the 50% Southern part comes from my mama, whose birthday is TODAY.
Happiest of Birthdays MOM!! I know you're reading.

Here are some photos to remind you of your favorite child, and to show off our love and affection for all things neon:

Mom with her favorite child.

The need for matching outfits in bright colors with fabulous fanny packs is overwhelming.
This photo defines my childhood.

You're welcome.

And we're back to the topic at hand, our consultation.

The nurse suggested with go in and chat with the Dr. about our first two cycles and what was on deck for the next round.

But I already knew the answer because the nurse already gave me my new calendar and in the last three days, I have been on the phone a dozen times coordinating medication shipments.

We are doing a protocol called Microdose Lupron Flare.

Instead of using Ganirelix to ward off the impending ovulation, to ultimately do either a Lupron or Hcg trigger, we are moving forward with a flare protocol that will use both my natural hormones with the stimulated ones.

Aka...I am just going to assume I'll be a raging, hot-flashy, bitch, in July.

This means more shots.
Instead of doing two nightly shots, then adding a third in the morning half-way through the 10 day stimulation protocol, we start off with a bang at two daily (tiny) Lupron injections, then adding the other two (Follistim and Menopur) to the party on Day 3.
Of course, don't forget the 5 days of nightly Letrazole pills.
And my dozen vitamins, and powder of myo-inositol, on the daily.

The best part of all of this, is the Dr. told us that if I am not responding the way he would like, he is going to cancel the cycle prior to retrieval, give me a break, then put me back on the original protocol.

I am using the word "best" sarcastically.
I would love nothing more than to stab myself with over 30 needles.....only to be a poor responder to the new protocol and then have to start all over.

Another super fun fact I learned this week....compounded medications are not covered with my insurance. Even though all the lab is doing is diluted my lupron meds in half, the fact that they are doing anything other than issuing them to me as is, means I have zero coverage.

Between the cat's surgery, a visit to the vet for our dog yesterday, new medications, and just life in general, I keep thanking my lucky stars for the insurance coverage we DO have because this year has been more expensive than anticipated, with zero fun in return for those expenses.

Crash, by the way, has a hematoma on his ear that we are monitoring and hoping we can scathe by without surgery to drain it. Prednisone FTW.

A hematoma is a blood-filled lump in his ear, that is caused from trauma, either by shaking his head violently or as our dog does, rub his ear on rocks. 

Anyways, the news that made me tear up (I blame the birth control pills) is that all of this is "my fault."
My eggs aren't really that good and the reason for the constant rapid decline in fertilization numbers and overall retrieval quantities is all about me.

Not Mark's smoking or his borderline morphology issue.
Not anyone else.
Just me.
And my genetics.

It's as if my body decided to release 3x the amount of eggs over its lifetime and I am rapidly approaching menopause at a much faster rate than I should be.

Typically, dealing with lower ovarian reserve, poorer egg quality, etc, is seen in patients over the age of 35.

But yet, here we are.
Miss 32 years old with over-the-hill eggs.

I am doing everything in my power to combat this, though.
I choke down a dozen supplements and vitamins each morning, make sure to continue to eat correctly and work-out moderately.

I will continue to fight this until I am out of options.

So we will move forward with this new protocol, but as the Dr. stated, he is literally giving me the kitchen sink of injections, maxing out all standard dosages, to try and get me to respond correctly.

I have 15 more days of birth control, starting my baseline Friday, July 8th and Day 1 of stims July 9th.

It would be awesome if this cycle would yield all the embryos we needed, but if history has taught me anything, we are in it for the long haul.

Two more cycles, folks.
Send me some good juju for perfect little embryos!

As always, thanks for reading!! XO


  1. Happy thoughts coming your way that three is a charm! Hate to hear about your pets . . . but hopefully they will be just fine! You take care!

  2. I flunked out on the Lupron protocol too and will do the same as you in September! I'm not excited for *more* shots in a day but I think it'll be shorter overall.

    I understand what you mean about feeling like it's your "fault." We started IVF initially because of my husband's vasectomy and it's so frustrating that it didn't just work the way it was supposed to because of me! A tough pill to swallow for a type A gal like me. Thinking good embryo thoughts for you!

  3. When tank would do that to his ear, we would drain it ourselves since it happened so often. We are also bad dog parents who watch the vet do it and then try to figure out how to DIY so we don't have to pay for it again. It actual works really well as an at home procedure :)

  4. GIRLFRIEND...those fanny packs tho...FABULOUS!!!

    I feel like you're already a pro at injections and now you should be licensed in some way.

    Sending you all the good vibes my friend!

  5. This is definitely not your fault. You have no control over the fact that you have a low reserve or your body is going into early menopause, it's certainly nothing you planned for or intended to happen. I'm sorry you're having to go through this yet again, I hope this protocol is what you need, you've been through a lot so quickly. Take care!

  6. Sending you all the good juju I can muster! Here's to hoping the next round goes exactly the way you want it to my dear. Send you lots of love too!

  7. Sending you all the good juju I can muster! Here's to hoping the next round goes exactly the way you want it to my dear. Send you lots of love too!

  8. Sending all the good vibes and love and hugs. You are tough as nails, my friend. And, your momma is a foxy lady! Happy Birthday to her!

  9. First of all, not. your. fault.

    Second, that fanny pack photo might just be the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life.

    Hang in there Tia, stay strong, you've so got this. We are here for you!!

  10. Oh man, I'm so sorry to hear this. :(

    I LOVE your mom's bleach blonde hair, btw!!! Love the back combing!!! LOVE IT!!! :)

    Big hugs, dearheart.

  11. Bullet point comments:

    1. my great Aunt is from Hilton Head Island, SC and wouldn't dare walk out of her bedroom without her face put on.
    2. Happy belated birthday to your Momma!
    3. When I read your medical stuff it's like reading Japanese - glad you understand it all!
    4. Sending all the good juju your way!

  12. I'm so sorry, my dear. In our case roles are flipped, but I know my husband has expressed guilt that I have had to endure miscarriage, not to mention pregnancy symptoms with no baby at the end, because of his crappy genetics/sperm/whatever-is-causing-this-that-his-parents-also-went-through-and-mine-didn't. Mark is still in this with you though, and he does not come across in blog-world as passive aggressive, so he would tell you if he was at the end of his rope. I have high hopes for this new protocol for you. Insurance issues suck.