Apr 22, 2016

Bye Bye Body

Strength is important to me.
Not just mental strength, but physical strength as well.

For many, many years, I put my body through Hell and back.
Partying to extremes and far too often.
Endless amounts of cardio with very little weight lifting.
Starving myself and dieting the wrong way.

And then it leveled out.
My thinking changed and so did my way of life.

No longer did I have doubts about whether I would fit into my jeans from one season to the next.
Everything just sort of clicked and I could maintain my physique with just the right amount of effort.

I hit that sweet spot between partying and living a super healthy lifestyle.
Moderation is key and will always continue to be.

I put in the time, each week, to work out and eat healthy, because I like the results I get.

I like fitting comfortably into a bikini, or a crop top, or shorts, or a dress.
I like being about to wear both loose and form-fitting outfits.

I have confidence in myself.

So tonight, I start stimulation injections. insert crazy screamy face emoji
And although I have come to terms with the side effects of this situation, it doesn't mean I am overly thrilled about them.

I have worked so very hard to be strong...not skinny, and I'm about to throw it all out the window.

Bloating is a very real part of the territory in my near future.
So is weight gain, headaches, nausea, and a bunch of other fun stuff.

And I know I have to keep the bigger picture in sight.
The bigger picture is...all of this will be worth it.

My body, once solely used as a vessel for home renovations, physical fitness, and athletics, will now be a vessel for another being.

That is awesome and terrifying.

Sometimes I just shake my head because...well....so MUCH is going to change.

I have to keep remembering this is just a season.
A season of science and surgeries.
I will bounce back.
I have the strength to keep going and tackle the next hurdle.

The silver lining with the stimulation meds combined with genetic testing is....I have recovery time.
There is no hopping straight into a fresh transfer.
I get to recover and workout in between my stimulation protocol.

So for now, Sayonara beach body! We will meet again soon!!

Wish me luck with these shots tonight! I may be (slightly) freaking out still, but you can bet your ass I will have TuPac blasting in the background!

Happy Friday and thanks for reading!! XO


  1. it will all even out once you get preggo. i was in beast mode with squats and bar push ups when i had a bump. i freaked guys at the gym OUT! i think i was in the best shape of my life. need to get back there...

  2. Good luck, my love! I've always heard that if you have a good foundation it's much easier to bounce back! I have no doubt that will ring true for you. You've got this!

  3. It will be super hard on your self image and all you can do is prepare yourself mentally as best you can. You want the baby more than you want the body and you can always get the body back so...win win right?

  4. GOOD LUCK!!! You are strong enough to tackle this!

  5. I'm sorry. It is really hard, you don't have to justify feeling a little blue about it. It is just a season. You'll get back there.

  6. I hope it's going well for you. And you are right. SO MUCH is about to change, and with that your perspective will change too. Your body is starting the journey to do something exceptional and all your hard work and strength as made it a good vessel for that...in the end your body image will be changed and for the better. Life is too short, my friend. Celebrate this chapter, the highs and the lows.

  7. A season is a great way to look at it. After babies things are never the way they were but you can still get to a new place where you still love your body I promise. Good luck!!!