May 18, 2015

The ugly side of marriage

I'd like to think that Mark and I have an amazing marriage.
One that thrives on openness, communication, trust....all that jazz.
We are a team. We each have goals and dreams and we help each other reach those goals and dreams.
He is my soul mate. I feel so lucky to have found the one person in the whole world that wants to be with every part of me. And quite frankly, he should feel lucky to have found someone to put up with his shenanigans too.  :)

But there are hard times.
Dark, manipulative, heart-ripping times, that after you are past it, you look back and can't possibly fathom that you actually said or did that thing to each other.
Because you love each other so could you tear each other down like that?

We both have that one shitty personality trait that is just no good.
That one thing that you wouldn't actually show to other people, but it sure as hell comes out between us.

For me?
I jump to conclusions too fast in a fight and immediately start spewing venom at him.
If something sets me off (usually lack of food), I will probably start flying off the handle.
Arms flailing, spitting curse words and venom so quickly that it would make your head spin.
And my loving husband has learned, over the ten years that we have been together, that the easiest way for me to realize that I am being an asshole is to not egg it on.
As shitty as that sounds, meeting my crazy at its peak is only going to make me escalate things to the point of threatening him to move out or call the cops....over the fact that "we didn't spend the morning together on his only day off."
I have a bit of a temper, you could say.
And as quickly as it starts, it's over. I am apologizing (and probably crying) from the bottom of my heart. I know it's a terrible thing to do to someone.

And him?
His shitty trait is going off the deep end if he gets too drunk.
These days are few and far between, but when it happens, it's bad.
What will happen is we will be having a good time, and then BAM...he's slurring his words, and I'm not at his level. Any kind suggestion to take it easy, or drink some water, are met with anger and venom because "I'm embarrassing him for going off the deep end."
And then he will usually start bubbling all his emotions out and remind me that he is still pissed about our last fight...the one he was so casual about.
The good thing with these fights is I can usually dissolve them, or we go to bed, and let the booze wear off and talk about it later that day or the next morning.

Both of us can be quite the pistols to each other.
And to think this kind of crazy used to happen on the regular in the first few years we were together.
We really, really loved each other enough to stick it out, I guess.

Our marriage ebbs and flows. When it's good, it's really good. And when it's bad....well, you get it.
Being out of work kind of threw our whole routine out of whack.
My day to day, while working, takes a lot out of me, so I would let the little things (that used to piss me off) slide. And Mark and I will have a drink at night, but going to crazy town typically doesn't happen on a random Wednesday, like it did when I wasn't working.

We aren't perfect. But we are damn perfect together.
Thanks for reading.


  1. I love the realness... No one is perfect and every relationship has their sh*t moments. Glad I'm (we/me and my husband) are not alone in this.

  2. Love the photo of you two! And yes, I'm pretty sure every married couple can relate to this. Bad fights and personality traits are the norm but choosing to power through is what matters. I do think you guys are perfect for each other!

  3. Well said. Mike and I are exactly the same. Ours is the typical financial debates, however. But it's usually alcohol induced, or because of something else completely that's been underlying. But I wouldn't trade him for the world.