Apr 24, 2015

I am She-ra, the cat pee told me so

A corner of our sitting rooms reeks of cat piss.
Do you have a cat? Have you every smelled their pee?
It's fucking gross. And strong. And tough to get out.

Many moons ago we noticed the aroma of cat pee in that same corner but were perplexed as to how it was happening.  There is an upright piano in that corner and we didn't think a cat could squeeze back there, much less get out.

But cats are sneaky assholes.

So for God knows how long we played this fun game where 
Cat would come barging into the bedroom at around 3am, 
I would kick Mark.
Mark would grunt and grab the cat and throw him into the hallway and shut the door. 
Cat would get mad sometimes (read: all the time) and go and piss in that corner.
And then I would shampoo the carpets weekly to get the stains and smell out.

I tried everything. Adding extra cat littler boxes elsewhere, shoving the piano up against the wall so he couldn't get behind, tolerating his screeching at 3am (not gonna happen), etc.

The smell seemed to finally go away until this spring. With the temperatures rising, so is the stench.
And now that I am home and have all this free time, I get to spend it deep cleaning our home. Lovely.

Amidst the cat piss debacle, I decide that I need to move the piano to the other side of the room.
That's right, move a 400 pound upright piano, by myself, across thick grandma carpeting.
Easy peasy, right?

Pre-piano position
Ha. I shifted the piano. I rocked the piano. I tried to just drag it but almost pulled my back out. 
I debated doing something crazy like waiting for Mark to come home to help, but my stubbornness got the best of me, like it always does.
I shifted my ass behind the piano, sitting in the cat piss, and shoved that damn piano to the other side of the room as if it were a make-shift Smith machine.

Imagine that for a moment, would you?

Me, in hot pink capris, a Chuck Norris t-shirt, barefoot, lying on my back with my feet propped up against the piano as if I had just birthed it, bracing myself against the wall with my hands.
And as smooth(ish) as silk, the fucking piano slid across the room, with each thrust of my legs.

Once it was in position at the other end of the room, I hopped up and yelled my mightiest She-Man howl...."I am BEAST!! HERE ME ROAR!!"

New piano spot, complete with Yanni piano music

Then, proceeded to deep clean the cat pee out of my gross carpeting.
The bright side to this is a couple of things.

1) I found out we have original hard wood under that fucking carpet and as soon as I get another job, it'll be added to the kitchen remodel.
2) I reconfigured the room and I think it looks a bit more open than before. Never
mind that I still need to hang the mirror over the sofa.
3) I found an amazing cat pee removal remedy HERE and it worked. It took forever but it worked.

Feel free to tell me all about how you got to use your gym muscles in real life!
Happy weekend!


  1. Oh my goodness - what a SIGHT this must have been, ha! WOOHOO for original hardwood under the carpet!! I will NEVER understand why people do that......!

  2. OMG. My f*cking cat is a tyrant and he constantly poops in one random corner of our front room. The first room you walk into when you come into our house. The room with all the windows and sunlight streaming in. Hot cat poop smell is just delightful. He used to pee in there also, until I took the rug and threw it out. Showed that little jerk. Man, cats are such assholes. I'm impressed that you moved the piano by yourself. I once moved a solid walnut desk up three flights of stairs by myself. I'm not sure I'd do it again.