Jan 15, 2015

Four more cycles

The Sheryl Crow lyrics "everyday is a winding road" seem to sum up our current TTC situation.
Every day is different.
Every day is a new development in the grand plan.
Every day has a new set of strides or disappointments.

And sometimes all of that happens in one day.

I pushed as hard as I could to keep this cycle going, knowing we were taking a gamble, both with the timing of everything, and assuming my genetic results would be okay.
At this point, I don't know what my results are.
And not knowing means we had to cancel this cycle.

I took the Clomid, days 5-8, and headed in for a follow-up ultrasound before my last pill.
And wouldn't you know, I had already developed two beautiful follicles, ahead of schedule.

The nurse said she likes to see each follicle at around 20mm to trigger for the IUI.
Well, mine were already at 17.5mm and 18.5mm on Day 9.
I had one beautiful follicle on each side, and both would probably be released in the trigger.
If you are wondering, yes, there could have been a chance for twins, however, a lot of times one of the eggs doesn't even make it to the tubes, so they don't see it as that significant and would move forward.
What wasn't up to speed was my lining. I was extremely close to 6mm so they prescribed Estradoil suppositories to beef it up to 8.

That afternoon I got a call from the nurse and we talked about the game plan.
In my head we still had a few days and all that mattered was I get my results before the actual IUI, not the trigger.
I was wrong.
The results had to be in and also negative, by the end of the day Wednesday, as Wednesday evening I was supposed to trigger, followed by an IUI Friday morning.
The results didn't come in.
The cycle was canceled.

I refreshed the Counsyl screen, I would say...every 10 minutes on Wednesday.
I prayed to the lab Gods that they would please please PLEASE let the timing be perfect.
By 1pm, I was desperate.
I threw my head back, closed my eyes, and said JUST GIVE ME A SIGN!!
I need to know what to do to stop the anxiety and stress.

And I swear to God, not two minutes later I got an email.
The email was from our benefits broker at work. It said he needed to call me and go over my questions.

Back story: Monday afternoon we had our broker at the office in order to discuss some new benefits that would be added February 1. This included FSA and Short Term Disability.
The one I am most eager about is STD (teehee). It means that I could actually have some income while on maternity leave as opposed to our current policy, which is one paid week.

So since I am literally going through a cycle as we speak, I ask him timing questions.

"If I tested positive for a pregnancy on February 2nd, would I still be eligible for all 13 weeks of STD?"

"Is pregnancy considered a pre-existing condition?"

He said he would get back to me, obviously uncomfortable with me throwing out terms like "insemination."

Wednesday, we have the phone call and he says, "If you have been receiving treatments for infertility and have been seeing a doctor and taking medications specifically to get pregnant, then yes, it is considered a pre-existing condition."

My heart sank.
What that would mean is if I were to give birth to a baby within the first year I am on the insurance, my benefit would be reduced from 13 weeks to 2.
With our plan, they "look back" three months prior to the start of our insurance, and if anything pops up that screams DOCUMENTED MEDICAL TREATMENT (which it would), then we are SOL.

After the conversation, I start crunching numbers, per usual, and digging around to similar terms with our insurance companies. And then I re-read our benefits.

There is a silver lining.
Even though my infertility treatments are considered pre-existing, the waiting period to receive the full 13 weeks is one year after the beginning of the insurance, assuming I sign up when I should and don't wait.
One year would mean I would have to go on maternity leave February 2, 2016.
Just four months later than this current cycle.

I call Mark.
I tell him we should consider waiting, as the monetary benefits are greatly increased.
We pay the same amount for the year, about $450, and instead of reaping the benefits of $1,600, we would get close to $10K.

All for waiting.

Himming and hawwing over it all. Do we wait or not wait?
In the end, we resolved that it would be one less thing to worry about in the grand scheme of it all.
Honestly, what's another four months after years of trying and many more years after with the baby?
Nothing, really.

And just like that I get another email.
From the nurse.
Who states the cycle is officially cancelled because our results won't be back in time.
I email her back and explain our new plan and to say we will be in touch in a few months.

To give you a timeline, it means we hit GO again on my first cycle in May, and if the first cycle takes, we are looking at a Valentine's baby. How sweet, right?
Just four more cycles.

In the meantime, I will be hitting the gym a lot and getting back into fighting shape.
The medication over the months has made me a bit bloated and lazy.

I do realize this post (and most of my posts these days) is rather long winded.
Thanks for hanging in there with me.

And finally, the winner of the Track the Tank top is none other than Jasmine from Fleurty and Fit!
Congrats mama! You deserve it!!
 a Rafflecopter giveaway


  1. Dude, this is totally one of those instances where I believe everything happens for a reason! Glad things are going well.

  2. stick with it, mama. it is all worth it in the end.

  3. I am following along with you of course and love reading anything and everything about this topic.

  4. While I'm not currently in this stage of my life, I enjoy reading your posts on the journey. I also believe everything happens for a reason. And you are the most organized person ever! I know this will all be worth it someday!

  5. Be as long winded as you want, I enjoy keeping up w/ what you are doing. :)

  6. I agree that four months in the whole grand scheme of things isn't that long - we'll need to hook up for beer and wine before May though! :D

  7. SO sorry to hear girl! I waited 87 days between my cancelled IUI and my first fresh IVF cycle and I had two IUIs get cancelled so I know your pain. It happens and it could happen again. The best thing to do is not to put a timeline on getting pregnant or your treatment. You'll go crazy if you do that and you will be let down a lot harder than you would if you just let things happen and accept it, I know that's easier said than done, but it's true! Hugs to you! You'll get there! Slow and steady wins the race!

  8. Can I join you and Biz? Totally worth it. you are be smart - and patient - and all those good things. That means good things WILL happen. I can't wait for May :)

  9. Sounds like you have a plan and something to look forward to then! I'm sorry this round wasn't a go but May will be here before you know it!

  10. Dang amazing how everything worked itself out right? At least the puzzles are aligning and that's a HUGE savings differentiation in the scheme of things so it will make things a lot easier. Sometimes waiting is best and things happen for a reason. Besides, a Valentine's baby would be absolutely sweet!! Happy Friday Tia!! -Iva

  11. Tia - you need to check out my friend Nicole's post (and click on the link about her story) - I think this will give you hope!