Jun 20, 2014

Tia Land

Here's what's going on in my neck of the woods this week and the upcoming week
(if you don't want to know, just make sure you enter the GIVEAWAY and have a good weekend!)

1) My mama is turning 60. Which means, I have been attempting to plan, organize, and order her secret surprise party. Which has been a bit of a pain, and super stressful. Why? Because let's just say I am literally doing this on my own.
Which I am super happy to do for her.
But everything seems to have a kink in it. Including my brain.
I order food but they don't deliver. Now I gotta find someone to go get said food while I entertain 40 people.
I order balloons and it LITERALLY takes the guy 20 minutes to run the credit card while I shlepping my heavy bags through the Chicago streets, only to hear him say, "Oh, I forget to add the other half of the order....let's try again....card number???"

My cousins are coming to stay at our house, which is great, because I could use a hand with cleaning and what-not, but not my mom is throwing a monkey-wrench in my f-ing plan and wants to come over and lay out by the pool the day before. I have to lie and say I have shit going on, and we have to wait, and now I have to lie about where we are going so she doesn't show up to her surprise party in a bathing suit.
She will literally murder me with her laser eyes and I just can't have that.

I have been attempting to put together a slide show, a la 1990, and for some god damn reason we JUST realized all the dvd players in our house have missing remotes.
Which means none of them work.
Which means there is a lot of screaming and cord pulling and computer smashing trying to figure out how to be geeks in my house to RUN A DAMN DVD.  Sigh...it's working finally. Thank you Comcast (for once).

Also, and I know the men-folk will be please to read this bit.
I have never been more excited to Ye Old Hag to show up. Which, incidentally, should be during the surprise party.


But...apparently I can't make a HSG test appointment until, as my lady doctor said, THERE IS BRIGHT RED FLOW. I snorted with laughter after she said that, then pulled my big girl panties on, cleared my throat, and told I would call her at the first sign of my bloody meltdown.
I also reserved some chocolate and sweatpants for the occasion.
She was less than thrilled at my response.
All of this means I will finally (hopefully) get to it with the baby making. It's time, it's time!!

Yay for timed sexual intercourse!! Yay for no romance!!

Finally, if the Eddie Murphy gif didn't get you in a sexy mood...this gal sure will!!
Meet Val at Fab Chick Gets Fit!

You want someone who will motivate your tequila drinking, twinkie loving ass to hop to it and get in shape?
Val is your girl.
You want someone to tell you like it is, honey, and not sugar coat things?
Val is your girl.
You want someone that talks about sweaty lady bits and baby powder titties?
Val is your girl.
Seriously, this chick is the bees knees. Funny, beautiful, and sassy.
Did I mention her kids are just incredibly adorable too?

You can follow Val on Instagram and Bloglovin'
And you better if you know what's good for you.
Tell her Tia sent ya!!

Have a great weekend!
(and yes, I know I went crazy with the gifs...they are just too funny!!)


  1. Yea for timed sexual intercourse, LMFAO!!! ohhh I have been there.....good luck....I will be thinking of you...not so much thinking about you two making the sweet, sweet love, but sending good vag vibes! Good luck with the party too, sounds so fun!!

  2. ^^ Hey Tracy lol I thought you quit bloggin!

    Have fun at the surprise party and I hope ma doesnt show up in her bikini but if she did that would be one hell of a story!

  3. Your gifs have me dyinggggg!! I'm so glad I found your blog girl!

  4. Getting caught up on your blog!!!! That's so nice of you to throw your mom a party and yes, it's never easy, right? Ok and I died at the 'time for sexual intercourse part.' You are HILARIOUS. Keep me posted on everything - here for you for all the 'super fun' tests!!!!