May 1, 2014

The Commuter's Uniform- Rain Edition

Many of you know that I hoof it on foot to work every day.
My "dream" when we moved was to be able to walk to and from the train each day because my road rage is out of control and I just know one day I am going to mow over a minivan with those stupid fucking stick figure families on the back.

I already have to walk 15 minutes from the train to the office, so what's another five to get from my doorstep to the train? It's all about priorities.

Anyways, I have been fine tuning my "uniform" as I like to call it, for approximately 11 years.
That's how long I have been traveling via train, whether it was for school or work.

If you need a refresher of how to properly dress for the winter season, you can take a walk down memory lane HERE.

But now it's shitty gray rain season. It means I get to strip off the sleeping bag and slip on some clunky rain boots.  Never mind how blurry this pic is; my phone camera is not for taking pictures, clearly.

What you see here is the best of the best.
This fine lady might be confused with the average traveling gypsy or hobo, but to the unwashed Chicago masses trolling to work each day, I am among friends.

There are 6 main points to The Uniform:

1) The Jacket- I purchased this one from Zappos. The brand is Ariat. It is actually fantastic. Fully lined and insulated for windy Chicago weather, but cute enough to not be mistaken for a teenage boy. Top that off with a bulky scarf because maybe the collar stands up too tall and you don't want another chin pimple.

2) Pants- If wearing pants (which, as you know, I despise), then they must be of the skinny variety. You would be a fool to wear your wide leg or boot cut pants in the rain, unless you dig the added weight and ombre effect that occurs after you have stumbled into another massive, Chicago pothole, filled to the brim with rain water.

3) Rain Boots- I apparently have wide calves. Those fun little Hunter rain boots won't cut it. They are too tall and cut off the circulation to my shins and feet. These massive boots are a size too big and filled with cheap insoles, but they fucking work. They fit skinny jeans and socks and don't rub my heels. I also purchased them at Zappos but after looking online, they don't make them anymore. Lord help me when they finally break.

4) Strap on Baggage- I wear ALL MY BAGS. None of that fancy forearm-bag holding for me. That is far too premadonna and I don't have time for that shit. I need my hands for other garbage. My cross-body purse holds all the essentials, and the second, larger bag holds my lunch, cute shoes, Kindle, and sunglasses.

5) Massively oversized Umbrella- Throughout the years I have dabbled in the pint-sized umbrellas you see at your local CVS. They all fit nicely in your purse and come with a nice little plastic cover to keep the water off your shit after use. The problem with these umbrellas is they are shit. They stand no chance in any sort of daily windstorm that Chicago has to offer. Enter my massive pink golf umbrella from Target. I have had this dumb one for over two years and not once has it turned inside out and ended up in a garbage can. Yes, it is cumbersome and clunky, but it works damnit.

6) Not pictured is my tumbler of coffee. A must for all weather but mostly as a hand warmer.

I am also joining a link-up party (regardless of how lame some of you think they are) because I have had it with this week and guess I thought it was fitting. This one is from Alicia @ Brew Mama and Michele from Crystal Michele's Mess.

Sorry not sorry..... but,When I was a teen my mother had no idea that: I smoked pot. I learned my lesson though, and moved onto crack. 
KIDDING! Crack is whack!
Sorry not sorry..... but, My best friend once: took a random person's photo of his kids from his hand and tore it to pieces. We were in a club, and I think she thought she was being hit on . It was weird and we had to book it...stat.
Sorry not sorry..... but,I once had this boyfriend that:  had a record. And then I married him. Mind. Blown.
Sorry not sorry..... but,If I had to name my last relationship after a movie I have seen it would for sure be: The Matrix. It's like I couldn't figure out if my world was real or not. Turns out it wasn't.
Sorry not sorry..... but,After a long hard day the first thing I think about doing is: Take off my pants! Hello! What's in a blog name, amiright? 
Sorry not sorry..... but, They just opened a new can of crazy when I saw them: These two:
oh wait, that's me and my husband!
Sorry not sorry..... but, I secretly love: farting in public and getting away with it.
Sorry not sorry..... but,Yesterday I : drank too much tequila and dragged ass at work today.
Sorry not sorry..... but, Every time I see this picture I seriously can not help but bust out laughing.( insert picture)  

Sorry not sorry..... but, At the gym I sometimes: well, I don't go to the gym anymore, but I never wiped down any machines when I went. You're welcome.
Sorry not sorry..... but, On my playlist I sometimes jam to: Justin Bieber. I KNOW.
Sorry not sorry..... but, Sometimes I pretend that: I don't see people so I don't have to talk to them.

While you are wasting time not working or doing something you should; please check out my new May Sponsors.

The top three pretties with their XXL buttons are my paid sponsors. You will want to keep a close eye on them and make sure you check back at the end of the month for a Gift Card Giveaway featuring these awesome gals.

They are MarlaJan at Luck Fupus, Rikki at Momma's Got a Dude's Name, and Tracy from Yea, I Know I'm Short.

Up next are my super awesome Free Sponsors. These chicks got a free ticket to my blog and lots of love from you people.

Please welcome Candra from Camo & Lipstick, Erin from She's a Big Star, Amy from Southern, Classy, and a lot Sassy, and Brittney from Brittney, Breaking Free.

Spread the love!

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  1. This was the PERFECT blog post to read on the Friday of the never. ending. dreary week. Thank you for making me laugh!!! The rain outfit - the Phteven - the ripped up baby picture, I am dying!!!!

  2. Lol I definitely pretend not to know people either or look the other freakin' way so I don't ahve to address you. I'm too tired to be social sometimes. Man you have your commuter outfit down to the tea. I'm completing a company survey and it is killing me it is so brutally long and irrelevant - Anyways, I drive to work because public transportation here sucks and I don't have that kind of time. I'm a pretty patient driver when I have nowhere to be urgently so all is good. Have a great weekend Tia! -Iva

  3. Hahahahaha Thanks for linking up! Um and I am pretty sureeeee that I may or may not have... hid in the round racks at Target or Walmart to hide form people I didnt want to see or talk to :)

  4. I travel between buildings all day everyday for work, so the rain is the bane of my existence. I hate having wet pants. HATE! But, I wore my rain boots to scoop poop and freaked out when they got dirty, so I threw them away. Now, I need rain boots.

  5. I love the whole damn thing, and I have man size calves too!!! Isnt is perfect?!?! HAAAA Im from Buffalo, NY so I get the winter coat, boots, scarf and umbrella, ella, ella. But now that I am a GA girl, I get a woman boner that I don't have to wear all that shit anymore!! And everyone rocks out to a little JB now and again haaaa xoxox

  6. Hahaha well I dont own rainboots or a umbrella and I really need to change that because flip flops and rain do not go well together!

    Haha I avoid people too I did this last night and the girl was like Brittney Brittney! Im like shit she saw me!

  7. Stop . . . I totally laughed out loud at the Stephen picture . . . just thinking about it is making me chuckle again! And your blog name . . . I LOVE it!! I'm a new reader from the link-up and can't wait to stalk old posts, in a non-creepy way, of course!! I visit my brother in Chicago and damn, it's just bitter cold in the city. I'm a wimp from GA, but still. Fuh-reezing.

  8. Ha ha...Oh I love the pic of you and your husband, and all your answers..Hilarious!!!