Apr 17, 2014

The day Bayou decked a goose

You guys.
I was chatting with a co-worker about parks and goose shit, you know, because that is totally normal, when I remembered a story Bayou told me.
See, he is an animal lover just like me. He works outdoors and around a lot of water, and there have been countless times he has had to save an animal from drowning or dying or whatever.
I know...he's a stand-up guy I tell ya.
Anyways, dry your panties out and let's get back to the story.

So he starts telling me about his day and is going on an on about how he kept seeing this baby goose get far too close to the filtration system in his holding tank for whatever water work he was doing.

Like, it would test him. It would get really close, and Bayou would start to run towards it, and then it would smirk at him and stumble a few feet back. Over and over and over.

So finally, the little fucker falls in.
And Bayou springs into action.
He fishes the little guy out of the current, it's wings flapping violently and it's making the most God awful noises ever.

Bayou keeps saying that he doesn't know where to put it so the baby doesn't do it again, so he walks it to the other end of his shop in the grassy area.
After plopping it to the ground, he turns around to see, what else? The mother.
Wings spread, red eyes, screeching and violently running towards him.
This bird is fucking pissed.

Bayou is, ha, I laugh every time I visualize this. He is trying to "out-puff" this bird by spreading his arms and screeching back at the bird, to get it to run away, but the fucking bird just gets more mad.
This is how I imagine it.

There aren't any tools or anything around for him to defend himself, so he does the only logical thing.
He squares up the goose, ducks down right as it approaches,
and punches it square in the gut!

He punched a fucking goose in the stomach!!

He said he felt terrible. And also? Side note, apparently geese (geeses?) stomachs are incredibly hard, or maybe that was the anger, but he said it was like hitting a punching bag.

So his goal was just to knock it over, but I swear to God he thought he killed it.
With his mighty fists of fury.
With one punch.

Luckily, he didn't. The goose was just frazzled or whatever.
But then the goose saw the baby and came to its senses.
Bayou is running for his life at this point. Just to get away from the damn thing.

So dudes. Don't try to punch a goose. You probably won't be so lucky.

Speaking of funny stories, have you guys ever checked out Rikki's blog, Momma's Got a Dude's Name?

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Well you should.
I love her blog layout and her stories are both hilarious and well written.
Not to mention she is super frugal, WHICH I LOVE SO VERY MUCH.
Cheap bitches....that's us.
Anyways, stop by and say Hi! to Rikki (Oh Rikki, you so fine!)
Tell her Tia sent you.

PS- Today is the last day to enter the Fitness Giveaway!! Make sure you try and snag some free shit!

PSS- Next Wednesday is another giveaway. I'm sponsoring a BLOG RE-DESIGN giveaway with Erin from Homemade Happenings. After you see her before and after make-over, you are going to want to get yo'self a lovely makeover as well.

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  1. I swear to the Good Lord I about just peed my pants and definitely BUSTED out laughing out loud sitting at my desk. I think my favorite part was " so he does the only logical thing. He squares up..." Because, RIGHT, that was logic to a grown ass man. HILARIOUS!!!!

  2. I mean....what can I say? This story is absolutely ridiculously funny and is just so.......Mark, LOL! He always seems to have strange encounters with random animals, i.e. his pet raccoon ;) Thanks for the Friday laugh!

  3. Mike is dying reading this and is wondering why he just didn't run in the first place. Like, why punch the goose? OMG we are laughing so hard.