Aug 28, 2013

The List

Imma gonna take a hot minute,

(and it is literally HOT in my train car. No power, no A/C, but I am too stubborn to move because it is quiet in here and I got a sweet ass seat to myself. It's the little things people. Now....if the guy blaring that song 'How. Does it feel. To treat me like you do.....' could just go ahead and walk away it would be perfect) 

to tell everyone the awesome home stuff that has been happening.

Our attorney sends over The List on Monday.
What's The List, you ask?

It's the buyers set of repair requests for us to handle as apparently he is a whiny, incompetent a-hole is lacking fixing skillz (and a set of balls, but I digress)

I get The List at roughly 2pm and gulp loudly when reading items A through,
wait for it.......O.
That's right, a check list of 15 motha fuckin' unsuitable items.

My eyes get blurry and I start sweating and call the attorney immediately to clarify big words such as Valve Extension (giggidy), and Tax Exemption and such.
He laughs when he realises it's me and refers to The Lengthy List of Demands.
I am telling him and our realtor that we just aren't fixing anything else, he can suck it, we are done! I'm pissed.

My boss notices I am flustered and calls me into his office.
"Are you okay? You seem stressed."
I take one look at him, and, very professionally, start bawling.

"This fucking kid wants $50k worth of home fixes on our house and it's a piece of shit and I hate the house and hate him and I don't think this is going to work and I can't take it anymore!"

Then .....I realize my boss is wide eyed, so I wipe my snot nose, apologize for all of that mess that just happened, tell him I just need a minute and am fine.


I call Bayou, and am treading a thin line between trying to explain The List, and crying, and starting to sound hysterical.
We go through each one, and by the time I am done reading, all Bayou says is, "I am pissed."

Our realtor wants us to make most of the fixes, we don't want to do anything, so I finally take a step back, and decide that we can handle FIVE of his demands.
And that's it.

One of the items, by the way, is to add outlet covers to the unfinished basement.

Fine buddy, if you want us to fork over twenty cents for a GD outlet cover, that's fine.

But you can take your request to have a Stuctural Engineer come out, on our dime, and evaluate the "leaning" garage wall, and shove it up your ass.
Nevermind the fact that we jacked up that entire garage the first year we moved in, and shuffled those walls back into place, then dug out the land around it and built a retaining wall and it has never moved since.
And that was nearly ten years ago! 

Go ahead honey, demand all that you want, but I can guarantee that our only response will be:
Respectfully Decline.

Time to man up and realize what it takes to own a home that is 75 years old!

And with that, I'm out.

We should hear back soon regarding our responses.
He will either agree or cancel the contract.

TBag. Out.