Jun 17, 2013

What I'm swallowing now.....

Let's keep it clean people.

Oh heeeeyyyy.....I'm here. I was just having a bit of a mental breakdown last week and decided it would be best, since I couldn't actually find a coherent thought, to keep you guessing as to why I disappeared.

It's been a spell.

So here's the thing.  And men-folk...this is going to be heavy on the lady-time talk.
And I don't just mean my flow.  Ha....okay that's enough.
Menstrual jokes aren't funny. Period.


You've been warned.

Last week, or perhaps, the last couple of weeks, I have noticed it's been rather difficult to function.
On this blog.
At work.
My workouts stopped.
All of it.

I blamed it originally on the anniversary of my Papa's passing, which would be obvious.  But there was more.

I'd like to think that I live my life in a healthy and positive manner.  I strive to excel at everything I do.
Do I excel at everything? Hell to the no.
But am I okay with that? 99% of the time.

And then there's that 1%.  That whole thing about how we seem to be having a hard time getting pregnant and I don't know who is to blame.  So this last cycle, I came out again, guns blazing, with my artillery of knowledge and tools.

I purchased a BBT thermometer and purchased a damn "subscription" to Fertilityfriend.com just so it could tell me that was ovulating and how many points I am reaching to confirm any hint of pregnancy.

I wake up at 5:30am to take my temperature and, with one eye open, enter it into my phone app.
I peed on ovulation sticks for over a week and made sure we were doing the dirty enough.
I watched my temps go up to confirm that I AM ovulating (phew!)

I had, hands down, the prettiest chart in all the lands.  I liked showing it off to people. Every. damn. day.
I was so proud.....that chart had perfect curves in all the right places.
I started to have all the right signs that it could be working.
And then she just dropped off the face of the planet and didn't return my phone calls.

And then again, just like every damn month.  Ms. Hag showed up.  And here's the thing.
They. fucking. hurt.

Like....debilitating pain so bad I feel like I swallowed lava and ate year old hamburger meat filled with maggots and other filth.  It's so bad I can't talk, I can't think, I can't eat.
I just want to die.

And this is how it goes every month.  Sometimes I can catch it quick enough and take a million Pamprins and stave off some of the anger and hurt. But mostly it just comes barging in and it's all hands on deck.
Shit is about to get real.

In talking with friends, apparently this isn't the norm.  Some people get theirs and they hardly notice.  Some have pain, but not nearly as excruciating or brutal as I feel like I'm going through.

When I was on the pill...that shit was all right.
Sure...I was bloated and tired, but the pain and nausea were just gone.  Gone, gone gone....it was wonderful.

So then I take to the Google's for answers.
Some of the first things I come across that sorta kinda has all of the symptoms I deal with each cycle....

Endometriosis and/or Low Progesterone.

Holy. Shit.

Now...I'm not a hypochondriac to fully diagnose myself, but that shit seems to hit the bill.
And maybe it's not full blown or either, but maybe it DOES have something to do with it.
Now don't go getting your panties in a bunch.  I have a lady doctor appointment next week to talk about all these issues so I can get some professional advice.

The interwebs were saying that it can happen to anyone.  It's more common with ladies with really long and irregular cycles, but ALSO for ladies with really short cycles (ME!!)

But here's the vomit comet part.
They have to do some test THROUGH YOUR BELLYBUTTON.....to confirm if you have it Endo. 
Blegh....I'm not sure I'm ready for that or if it's even necessary. 

So then I Google natural remedies for Endo-fuckmylifeup-osis and hot sweats and cold hands and ladybit dryness and come across a little herb called Vitex, aka Chaste Berry.  I read the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I decide, why the hell not, if anything, it can ease my pain naturally and make me overall less psycho, and if it helps bring on a baby, then BONUS.

So I ran walked over to GNC on my lunch break and bought a bottle of that shit.
I have been taking it for four days with no apparent side effects.
The interwebs reads that it could take at least 2-3 cycles to see any kinds of real effects as it is NOT a hormone, but is supposed to balance the hormones you are making and a bunch of other hippie-bs.

I'm up to like 100 damn pills a day. And these are big (that's what she says)...but if it helps...at all. I'm game.

In the months to come, if there aren't any significant improvements or positive HPT's...the next fight I get to deal with is getting Bayou tested.  He is just going to love that.

So there you have it.
This shit is consuming my life.
I feel better this week and am moving forward.
Who knows how it will be in 2 more weeks. Might be back to square 1.

More posts in the future.

TBag. Out.