May 31, 2013

Man Pretty

Behold the one-sided conversation that took place over dinner last night.
I'm sorry to say this is 100% real and just a small glimpse into the daily joy of living with my husband.

Back story, you may or may not know that my husband is extremely, a tad eccentric from time to time, and he had a rough day at work, so I let this conversation unfold without giving him too much shit.

Bayou: "TBag, grab a pen and paper so we can take dictation of what I'm about to tell you. It's important."

Me: "How about I just memorize it, I'm good at that."

Bayou: "Fine, but don't get sad when you can't remember it all."

Me: "I will try." *while stifling laughter*

Bayou: "We are going to be counting all the ways I'm pretty .....Man pretty."

So Pretty.

Me: *snorts* "Awesome."

Bayou: "This is serious ....let's begin."
             First, I have a perfectly chiseled jaw line. It proves I am a man and should be reveled.

Zoning in on said chiseled jaw

           Two, I have incredible muscles and 0% bodyfat . This is what attracted you to me.

Me:  "Oh yes, of course ....please continue." *tearing up*"

Bayou: "Third, I have most of my hair still. More importantly, I don't have shoulder hair. That shit is gross."

Me: "Agreed."

Bayou: "I have a smallish nose"

Me:  "Ok, I gotta stop you right there, you are Italian don't have a small nose, sorry babe."

  "Fine....but it's not HUGE! It's proportionate. Manly and pretty at the same time."

  "Yes, your nose is pretty."

Bayou:  "Moving on.....I really hope you are remembering this stuff. It's pure gold.
              Next, I have manly hands. Not delicate pretty hands.

Me:  "But I thought you wanted to be pretty!?"

Bayou:  "Not to other dudes TBag!"

"Ok, can I add some stuff. I think you are missing a few things."

Bayou:  "I'll allow it. It better be that I have an enormous piece, and feel free to tell your blog that."

Me:  " forgot to say your ego is as big as your enormous piece."

So in husband would like you to know he is a chiseled, manly man, with a pretty nose and no fat. 

Bayou is so lucky I married him.

Aren't you jealous that not only do I get to live with him, but I get to be updated and reminded as to WHY I married him?
You're jealous.  It's okay. 
If you ever want to come over and have him give you the run down in person, I'm sure he would be more than happy.

I'm his better half.
TBag. Out.