May 21, 2013

I got 99 wait!! I have 100 posts!!

This is my 100th post!
And maybe it's no big deal, but I just reached 7,000 page views as well!
We are within one month from Gilded's one year anniversary so I suppose it's only right to rehash what has happened in the last 365 days....the good, the bad, the ugly.

Here we go.
This bliggity-blog started June 29th, 2012 with THIS post.

I introduced you to my family: Crash, Burn, and Bayou, (or Markey-Mark).

THIS is why I started blogging.

And THIS is where I am to date with self-improvement, aka, baby-making distractions.

I've given you my best fashion advice, HERE, and  HERE.

I have showed you how GRACEFUL I am.

This journey, so far, has been the most fun and most rewarding year of my life.
It has also been equally frustrating and depressing at points.

The good always outweighs the bad...even in my most trying moments, I have attempted to maintain a positive outlook....even if I was the only one.

June 3, 2012, my grandpa passed. 
We all have that special grandparent that stood out from all the others.
He was that man.
My mother's father....we visited his home in Tennessee every summer, and tried to go most winters as well.  He was a man among men, with a gentle soul and a sassy southern mouth, I tried to grow and learn as much as I could from him.

His passing lit an internal fire in me on a subject that had been simmering for a couple months now.

I wanted to become a a human...not just my dogs (and Bayou sometimes...sigh)

And guess what? Life has other plans for me so far.

Or maybe we aren't doing it right.  Or maybe I'm over-analyzing everything too much....

Regardless, it has been extremely frustrating to not be able to just work really hard and get rewarded.
You know, like you do for a job?  Or an interview?  Or to lose weight?

This is not a situation where I can cut out sugar and processed foods and BAM!
It's also not a situation where I study and know all the facts and follow the rules and BAM!!!
You don't have a good income, stable relationship, and willing parents and BAM!!!
You don't get promoted to having a baby.
You can't wish or pray for one.
What you can spend a ton of money on "tricks" that other people say work....and have it not work on you.

You can blame yourself.
You can become extremely frustrated.
You can start to blame your spouse.
You can cry when the damn hag shows up....again.
You can symptom spot and "time it correctly" or "go with the flow" and "not worry about it"
You can become envious of all those around you that stumbled into pregnancy.
You can stare, longingly, at those beautiful bumps on those other beautiful women....with a twinge of jealousy.
But you can't make it happen when you think it should happen, when it's "right" for you, when you want it.

I have done all those things in the last year.
I have had a million emotions, a million thoughts, a million conclusions.
I became depressed.

And then a wonderful friend suggested I pour all my emotions out and make it real.
So I did.
And I found a wonderful distraction.
I can tell everyone about my ups and downs.
And in doing so, I found my love for fitness and my obsession with teaching again.

I love teaching.  I love inspiring others to be their best.
I love knowing someone had a good workout and I pushed them to be their best.

My husband is happy because I don't drone onto him each month about TTC.
I am happy because I am working out more and in turn, helping others.

Life will continue to move forward.
And I will keep up.
And I will be happy.
And I will be at peace with whatever the world says my family should be.
And I will not let frustrations and anger and bitterness drag me down and hold me back.

So to everyone that follows Gilded.
Thank you.
Thank you for reading.
Thank you for commenting.
Thank you for silently cheering me on, or connecting with my pain, or sweating during my classes.

Here's to another year filled with another million emotions.

Let's Do This.

TBag. Out.

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