Feb 1, 2013

Time to cut the cord....again

I tend to become overly slightly obsessed with things from time to time that it feels like it is consuming me to the point where I can't focus on anything else.  Unfortunately, I am realizing that this type of undiagnosed mental illness actually runs in my family.  At least on my father's side it does. Phew!
That makes me feel a lot better.  We are just a whole family of whackos and I'm not the only special one. We get so tied up in something, trying to take the reins and make sure whatever it is happens a certain way, that we lose sight of the bigger picture...LIFE.  I tend to get sucked into this black hole of obsession of whatever topic it is in that moment and other things start to slide or fail along the way.  Not good.
Sometimes this obsessing turns out to be a really, really good thing.  For instance, when my eldest pup developed facial paralysis on only the right side of his face for no apparent reason, we spent a lot of time seeing "specialists" and going to acupuncture sessions (yes, we did this for a dog) and different vets all to get opinions on what could be wrong.  Since he had previous bouts of spinal issues, everyone assumed there was some type of nerve damage that was associated with his face.  Our last resort would be to pay out the ass for a doggie MRI and some really evasive neck surgery that the doctor's couldn't even guarantee he would wake up from.  I was devastated.  So I spent countless hours researching the interwebs for any glimmer of hope that maybe it wouldn't be that bad.  I finally found one obscure post from another frenchie dog owner saying his pup had the exact same issue and it turned out to be an extremely bad ear infection.

After reading this, I threw the dog in my car and had the doc check his ears.  "Why would you think it's an ear infection?" The doc said.  "Just check." I insisted, simultaneously shooting laser daggers out of my eyeholes.  He was diagnosed with a double staph ear infection, the worst being on his right side.  BOOM.  Three months of antibiotics later and he could blink again on that side.  Victory!

And then there's the flipside. This is when obsessing goes all hayward and ends up nearly killing myself and my marriage like I said HERE.  And obviously the most recent obsession has been all things baby.  I started looking back at email conversations between myself and Mink Ass Mama and all of this started at the end of May of last year.  It has consumed me and it is nearly all I think about when I have down time.  I have had to down play my insanity to Bayou so he "doesn't think we are trying all the time" and am trying to keep it light and playful.  Only recently has that been easier, I guess.  I had signed up for one of those "get preggers" websites and I read all of these cray-cray ladies bitch about not ovulating and interpreting cm correctly and how to temp vaginally and charting my shit and symptom spotting and all that jazz.  I have spent 6 cycles on that site so far and it has gotten me no where.  I bid a quick farewell and am not going back until I get to post a beautiful picture of two pink lines on a pee stick.  Side note- I just love how the Health teacher in school would say that if you had unprotected sex ONCE you would get pregnant immediately.  LIARS!! I guess it scares you a bit when you are 18, but when you really want to believe it to be true when you are creeping up on 30, it just slaps you in the face like a pair of nuts. 
It's actually kind of hard to break the habit of searching words and phrases that my mind is thinking about when TTC.  I'm attempting to fill the void by reading my gossip magazines on the train, and actually working more at work, and not opening my home computer as much. Must. Calm. Down.
Bayou will like this so he can look at pictures of cars and boats he will never afford on Ebay.

Wish me luck!

OCD 4 Life.
Tbag. Out.