Feb 2, 2013

I see padded walls in my future

Einstein defined insanity as performing the same tasks over and over again and expecting different results.

I must be insane.

I believe this because I say the same sentences over and over, each day, to my dogs, and expect them to actually A) Listen to me, or B) stop doing whatever stupid thing they are doing and never do it again.

Neither ever happens.


This is them ignoring me.

Here is an incomplete list of phrases I say every. single. day. of. my. life.

"Come. Come here. Come here now. Come. Come now. *stomps foot on floor*  I SAID NOW!"

"Stop licking his dick"

"Why do you sniff each others asses ALL. DAY. LONG."


"Off.  Get off now.  NOW! *throws dog off of couch/bed/chair/other dogs crate, by his collar*

"Let's eat!"

"You gotta go potty?"

"You wanna go outside?"


"Gross.....there's so much drool coming from your mouth!!"

"Do you need your butthole cleaned out?"

"Stop fidgeting!"

"Crash stop licking your paws.  Crash!"


"Stop staring at each other"

"Quit moving the furniture, learn some manners and GO AROUND!"

"I swear I'm going to open the front door and let you go free!  Let's see how far you get without someone feeding you special ingredient food, giving you a fresh, clean bed, and toys!"

"You guys are fucking insane"

"Quit barking at the gate"

"HUSH! I'll get your ball under the table!"


"Hold on. Don't poop in the house. Hold on.  See? We are distracted now! No pooping!"

"Did you just piss your own cage and then sleep on it?"

"Does that look like spilled water or drool to you?"

"Why does he keep licking the window/floor/other dog"

"Burn you are too big to fit UNDER Crash"

"You are SO. FAT. You should be ashamed."