Oct 23, 2012

Why I have little faith in humanity....especially if it is during a Zombie Apocalypse

There is a good chance that at some point...while driving one of our cars...I have managed to piss someone off.  There is also a good chance that that person may live in the same neighborhood as me.  I am...from time time, more aggressive in my driving habits than I need to be.  In the faster cars..I tend to tailgate as I am always late and you are always driving at least 10mph under the speed limit.  I also know that nearly all of of our cars are eccentric in their own way.  None of them are fuel efficient or eco-friendly.  I don't give a shit.  I really don't have a desire to charge a vehicle or own something with less than 6 cylinders.  I have my own reasons and quite frankly, I don't get an F if you don't like it.  I am not an asshole for not wanting to save the world with my choice of car.  There are plenty of assholes out there that choose to do a variety of things that I personally don't agree with but would never tell you to your face that you are an asshole at life....unless you seriously deserve it.

Bayou has a specific taste in cars....they have to have a certain criteria that meets above average standards.  Meaning...they have to hold up for many many years, they have to be able to be fixed by his own hands, they have to have style or flare that is easy on his eyes, and at the same time they have something unique that keeps them separate from the rest of the drones on the road.  We will never own a Honda Accord or a mini-van.  We are not followers when it comes to cars.  I follow suit with Bayou's beliefs because
A) I really don't know much about cars but I want something some-what flashy and
B) I don't really have to worry about him making some asinine decision to purchase a brand new whatever car that will ultimately lose it's value the second you pull off the lot and I know he can fix 99% of anything in the world.

Some people take fancy vacations with their extra dough.  Some people buy lavish houses.  Some people buy fancy shoes and accessories....we buy cars.  Yes, we have a few. Bought and paid for.  Does that mean we are rich?  Hell no....far from it.  It means that cars mean a little more to us than maybe the average family and we take huge strides to ensure they are within our budget and we can still pay for all the other necessities that go with having a family...you know....food and shelter.

One of my vehicles happens to be one of the largest ones on the road.  That's the eccentric part.  It also happens to be school bus yellow.  That's how we got such a great deal on purchasing it.  We bought this Hummer H2 at the peak of the gas prices and they couldn't push a yellow car on anyone...so we took it at a steal.  And I love the shit out of that thing.

I love its heated seats.  I installed a car starter last year for the winter and it has made my life just a little bit better knowing I can get off the train to a warm car.  I bought a Christmas tree one year and they didn't have a box for it, so I just shoved the fully assembled tree into my car without blinking.  I can pack 2 dumb dogs, my husband, a few friends, a couple coolers and suitcases and go on vacation without worrying how we will fit everything into the car.  We can take our own vehicle off-roading when we please without having to rent anything.  I have pulled at least 10 other poor souls out of ditches for free, because I am a nice person, and know how to attach tow pulls to my car and instruct the idiot that went into a ditch how to hook his up.  My truck can haul another equal, if not bigger, trailer or boat, wherever the hell I want to go.  It is amazing. In February 2011, when we had one of the biggest Chicago blizzards since the 70's.....I was one of the few people able to get out of their own driveway without having to shovel or plow.  I can take the un-plowed back roads when there is shitty weather and not have to worry about spinning out. And I can go on.  But you now understand my love for this truck.  It amazes me with every season.  Yes, it has low gas mileage...but so do most cars. I am really not worried about it.

And this is why I have lost what little faith I have in humanity and part of the reason why I own such a kick-ass vehicle.  It's to get away from all the assholes that will destroy your shit just to dig the knife in a little deeper or "get ahead" and try to prove something.  I don't know what I did recently to piss whoever off....maybe it's because my headlights are higher than most people and it may appear that I have my brights on when I really don't....or maybe it's because there's a chance I cut you off at some point.  But honestly....I don't know if you have noticed...but Hummer's are a f-ing beast.  They are slow as shit to get moving and hard to stop...and I know this. So tailgating and cutting people off are really, really hard, and dumb thing to do.  I actually relax most of the time while in my Hummer..which is rare.

This morning...I did my usual routine....just about 10 minutes before I walk out the door, I start my car from the house to warm it up.  I hop in...and am backing out of the driveway.  I hear this weird crackling sound.  Looking through my small rear view mirror...I see the rear windshield wipers moving back and forth.  They were on from the day before when it was raining.  But the window itself looks weird.  Like...ice is on it or something.  It's almost 60 degrees outside, so I hop out of the car to see what's up.


I am standing there in awe.  There is a small, rock sized hole in the right hand side of the the window and the entire rest of it has crackled into a million pieces.  Some of the middle has fallen out from the wipers.  I go running for Bayou before he leaves for the day as well.  I just cannot believe it.  It's not like something could have fallen on the window causing it to have this type of damage....the window is completely vertical.  It would have taken a really sharp/hard object with a lot of force to cause such damage.
We go into auto-pilot and starting cleaning everything up. Pulling off the rest of the glass, sweeping everything up.  This is causing both of us to be at least an hour late to work.  It's nearly pitch black outside so I am having a hard time coming to a conclusion as to how this happened.  I can't see anything inside the truck.  If this was an attempt to steal something...well, the fucktard could have just opened any of the doors as they are all unlocked.  But nothing was stolen.  And the Trans AM right next to the Hummer was left unscathed.  It must have been revenge for whatever reason or a random act of vandalism caused by a retarded teenager perhaps. A teenager that needs to learn what it means to work hard for something that actually costs more than an iPod.

Either way it's unacceptable. Do I now have to install sensors and cameras  around our house to ensure that hundreds or thousands of dollars of damage doesn't happen to things that we have worked hard to own and protect?  If I did, say....piss someone off while driving....does that equate them coming to my house and ruining something of mine?  Is that the world we live in?  I highly doubt I have done anything that over the top that someone felt it was necessary to destroy something of mine.  Our cars are one of the few possessions we would actually like to keep for a while.  

The sad truth is this is the world we live in.  We live in a world where if some kind of mass destruction situation were to happen....it's every man for themself, and they do not care who or what they harm to get ahead.  Look at what happened with Katrina.....Bayou's entire family will never be the same after witnessing how terrible people become in a very tough situation.

We are all screwed when the Zombie Apocalypse happens. It would be best to take a cue from Terminator and have some ammo on hand so that you can keep your neighbor from looting and stealing and ruining your shit, because if it's good enough, they will be coming for you.

Oh, and PS- If it was some hippie trying to "send a message" that I'm ruining the planet...go smoke some more weed because you are clearly being a bad hippie by causing further destruction.  Now think about all the gas that will be used to have the glass repair guy drive to and from our shop to have the window fixed when you could have just let it go man and hugged a tree?  And then maybe when the next blizzard hits this area and I watch as your Smart Car gets buried in many feet of snow...I won't bother to help you dig it out then tow it with my Earth Destroyer so you can go buy some vegan food.

TBag. Out.