Aug 31, 2012

Tiny Hippo

I just thought this was hilarious. 
You're Welcome.  
Happy Friday!
Aug 30, 2012

Humanity at its Finest

Seriously.....what is WRONG with people.  I ride the train. I have to touch things that people have probably already touched with boogers on their hands and listen to people hack and sneeze and snore on a daily basis....but it is NOT acceptable to perform daily routines of hygiene when you are LITERALLY within 2. FEET. OF. ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Aug 28, 2012

The thing about short Italians and another chance to win something awesome

Hi.  I haven't been feeling overly inspired to write anything, but I can fill you in on the random happenings in the last week or so.  First, I had my Birthday, and you guys failed to make it to 10 comments which means you don't get a chance to receive the shiny magical unicorn necklace I was going to send you on YOUR birthday.  But I forgive you...perhaps you were nervous you couldn't handle this type of awesome....or maybe...just maybe, you didn't really have any idea what  I meant when I a comment.  I got a bunch of comments on the FB post, but only a few on the blog, which is what I was hoping for.  We can try again and me, together, holding hands, forever.  Halloween is fast approaching, so that's the theme we are going for here.

Feast your eyes on the Prizes:

Aug 21, 2012

Birthday Nonsense

IT'S MY BIRF-DAY!!  That's right fools.....the last acceptable year to say out loud...the big 2-9. is what it is, I love having birthdays and I love getting older....I imagine myself old and crusty...sitting in bar with ALL of my gaudy jewelry on sipping a hot pink martini still thinking I'm the hotness while preaching to men half my age...."You don't know WHERE I've been honey..." or something along those lines.  I'm excited to age another year.  I'm at a better place both professionally and personally.  Gone are the days of worrying about other people's opinions (even though for some reason they still give 'em....Did you know that no one cares?  That's right buddy.....not. one. person.)  And gone are the days where I questioned how I would pay the bills and still have a little extra money to actually have fun or splurge for once.  I am still endlessly frugal, and always will be.  It's in my blood.  You can thank my father for being a tight wad.  I get excited to watch savings grow or to not spend an entire paycheck each month.....I know.  LAME.

So I was born at 9:58am, and I just know, like clock-work, my mom will be calling me at exactly that time...probably at work, singing me Happy Birthday. As corny as that is....I would imagine I will do the same thing. 

I'm feeling a little giving today.  So here's the deal.  I need at least 10 volunteers.  You hear me?  10.  I will send you something awesome on YOUR birthday, but you have to do the following.

***Post a comment that includes you birth Day and birth Month and let me know one little tid bit about you.....something you think I want to hear and that you want all of the interwebs to know about as well.

At the end of today, I will do a random number selection with some fancy interwebs magic (yes, it will be legit) and whoever is picked will be contacted via e-mail.

There has to be at least 10 or it won't work and no one wins.  So let's all be awesome people!! I know you are all dying to get some random crap mailed to your home.

Oh...p.s.- NO P.O. Box address's.....don't worry, it won't be dangerous or deadly.  Only awesome.

Ready? Go!!!

I will be enjoying some cake and champaggin at some point will be totally jealous, because the birthday cake is left over from this weekend, the the champaggin is really $4 sparkling wine.

Birfday Girl.....TBag.  Out.
Aug 17, 2012

Fashion Fail Friday.....and the End of an Era

Ladies and's another weekly installment of Fashion Fail Friday with your Host.....the soggiest TBag of them all.....Yours Truly.

This one comes straight from Adult Toddlers in Tiaras Training.......feast your eyes on this fancy lad-ay.

Aug 16, 2012

How to Look Like a Mary Kay Rep....this is a terrible thing

 As I previous posted on FB, I fully realized my entire outfit coordinated WITH my umbrella today.  Completely.  And maybe you're thinking...."Aww Tbag, that is SO cute!"

No, no my friends, it is not.

I have my reasons for wearing the top I wore and the skirt I wore.

1)  Skilling said it was supposed to rain all day....dolla bills yo. Therefore...on rain days, I wear a skirt.
I do this to avoid the inevitable fact that rain splashes and makes all fabric materials below the knee a heavy soaked, freezing mess to deal with for the rest of the day at work.


2) I really wanted to wear my striped top.  Hell, most of my tops are striped.  Or blouses if you are fancy.  So I suppose I was going for a semi-colorblock effect.  What is color blocking?  THIS.

So....the minute I jumped into my car and looked at my umbrella, I realized they were the exact same colors as my a T.........Bag.  Oi....

Here are pictures.  ADVANCE camera phone takes horrendous pictures. I look like a ghost and most of my desk at my office is in the background....that's my home away from home at my fancy ass job...aren't you jealous?!

So A) Umbrella

+ B) Cute Outfit

=  C) Mary Kay Streetwalker

I'm actually surprised I looked halfway decent this morning as from the second I stepped foot outside the train to the moment I walked to the door at work it rained sideways. LIT-rally.  And yes, I am totally aware that my umbrella is huge (that's what he said)....but but but!! I have had those teeny tiny ones before and this bitch isn't a fan.  They break immediately and I end up throwing them away or watching them blow down the street while my mascara runs down my face and I end up looking like a drowned rat.  Chicago weather can be brutal, so I came prepared with the most enormous one I could find.

Soggy TBags. Out.
Aug 15, 2012

Hope and Thanks

Hey There!

Guess what??  Gilded just broke the 700 page views mark!!  Thanks to everyone that loves or hates or makes fun of or just generally enjoys this blog.  Your standards are clearly lower than low, and I love you for it.

Aug 11, 2012

Triple B is here!

A good friend of mine just updated her super FAB blog, A-Life-From-Scratch, to include their newest addition......and nope!  Not another deelish dinner idea.....Baby B!!  Check it out....and let's be honest.  How fabulous does she look after havin' a bebe?!?! NOT. FAIR.

So, of course, the only logical thing to do is drag Bayou to Buy Buy Baby to get another friend of ours her baby shower gift. 

Congrats C!!

Aug 10, 2012

Fashion Fail Friday

I wasn't going to make another post this week but then I was graced with the most glorious site EVAH. 

This one isn't from the train.  It was when I was walking to work.  I can only assume this sassy lady assumed she was the HOTNESS and therefore decided it was acceptable to waddle to work looking like this:

Aug 9, 2012

Wine Wasted Wednesday and the inevitable deep thoughts that come with drinking too much

Let me start off by saying that Karma really is a little bitch.  Why? Because of a series of events that occurred during the day yesterday that led me to come home and get Wednesday Wine Wasted on the floor of my kitchen.

Aug 7, 2012

I almost forgot to add a Title to this Post....ta da!

Hello everyone.....I have been a mass of emotions in the past couple of days and whilst I would love to blame the Hag.....that chapter has FINALLY come to a close and now we can begin the obsession/hoping/praying for the next round.  Shall we?
Aug 3, 2012

Devil in a Blue Dress, and by blue dress, I mean blue DYE. Blue Dye is the DEVIL.

So...I suppose I should start off by apologizing for my absence the last couple of weeks. I vowed to get at least one post a week so that I could make all of you dumber at a more consistent rate, but I have already failed at my only commitment to this blog.  You don't deserve to have two whole weeks go by....left to deal with the realities of how terrible this world is without a little break in the day to just laugh at someone else. 

But no worries, I have the best worst tales in ALL  the lands for your amusement. No.....Not really, but I will fill you in on my retardedness for a hot minute so you know what has been consuming every waking moment of my life.  It is truly a disgrace.

OK- so of course after I get my positives on the OPK strips...I'm all, "WELL LET'S START TO ANALYZE EVERY TWITCH AND TWINGE AND YES YES YES I'M SURE IT'S A PREGNANCY SYMPTOM"....ok, not quite, but I did manage to keep a most impressive journal of all these teeny tiny little "symptoms".  I actually felt pretty calm about each day as we approached the witching hour...the final hours that would prove whether or not I was acting completely psychotic or whether I really was "in tune with my body".........guess which one I was?