May 23, 2018

My Brain Flipped a Switch

Oh, hey guys.

I took an unintended hiatus from writing, obviously. Not to rummage through a bout of depression or anything, more just because, well....it didn't seem needed in my life at the moment.

But I'm here today. So glad you're here, too.

We left off in the week dedicated to spreading awareness in the infertility community and because of that week, I sort of hit a brick wall.

Like, I felt as though I kept running in circles and replaying all the shitty stuff in my head, and I finally had enough.

I had enough of the pity parties, of the constant need to sleep because my brain was exhausting me.
I had enough of the self-loathing, of the inability to think about the future and only focus on the past.

That's no way to live.
So about a month ago, I woke up one morning and decided I was done.

My brain flipped a switch and from that point on I started dreaming again about my future.
I committed to fully embracing my family, just as it is. I fully accepted that what we have is NORMAL and not to be judged, and I started making plans about OUR future, as a family of two. 
And I have never felt better.

I started really thinking about family, and motherhood, or lack thereof.

For the record, no one has scorned me, no one has lashed out at me or made me feel less than for not successfully procreating. I have not personally been victimized, but I have seen it happen one too many times in other's live's to keep quiet. No one has done anything to me in a negative way at all, to be honest. 
I am just attempting to dispell societal norms by giving a voice to the minority of women who are in the same stilletos as me. 

So go ahead and X out if you're unable to read a differing viewpoint without throwing a shit-fit.

I realized that I was trying to keep up with the "Jones's," so to speak, to become a mother.
I wanted to become a part of the in-crowd so badly it was blinding.
NO ONE wants to feel left out, especially when they can't control it.

Mom's these days have done such a wonderful job sharing all the up's and down's about motherhood and created this incredible bond with each other in the process.
There is SO. MUCH. written about mom-life and pregnancy and parenting and raising kids and everything in between.  You are all such wonderful, selfless people and should be acknowledged for your efforts no matter how you intend to raise your children.

But then there is this minority; the uncomfortable few that society wants to sweep under the rug and forget about. Women who either cannot have or do not want children.

And you can nay-say all you want, but what's true is true.

As a woman, you either attain your higher purpose as a mom or you might as well crawl in a hole and die because you are nothing worth talking about in society's eyes.

We non-mom's should just take all our money and free-time and sleeping-in and brunches and late-nights and shove it right up our selfish asses, right?

How often have you heard, "Welcome to the Club" cooed from the droves of other mom's, with a wink and a nod, when a new mom presents a newborn?

But what if you.....aren't a mom? What if you never make it to the club?

I understand this is not intentional, and that not everyone thinks this way, but I would fare to say that most women in society would look down on non-mom's with pity, or think they are selfish, or toss out really fucking stupid phrases like "well there's still time" or "better seduce your hubby" or "you can always adopt."

Because, obviously:
You have no real purpose until you are able to raise a child.
You have no business as a woman if you aren't crooning your brood.
You don't know the true meaning of happiness unless you are watching your child grow.
Your life couldn't possibly be complete if it doesn't contain offspring.

I am here to combat that stigma and tell those other non-mom's that it's not only OKAY but TOTALLY NORMAL to choose to stop fighting, or never fight in the first place. To back away from the chaos of trying to conceive. To move forward with your life sans kids.

Bra-fucking-vo for taking that scary step away from societal norms and putting your foot down.
Your sanity and your health are FAR more important than attempting to squeeze a watermelon out of your busted lemon vag.


I know damn well that life is completely fucking amazing without kids. Mark and I are living proof that you are only bound by what you're afraid of, and sometimes stepping outside your comfort zones is what attains the unimaginable.

There may not be droves of us women in the same boat, but there are more and more by the day. Just read the stats....the US is at an all-time-low birth-rate since the 50's.

And we need to stop feeling ashamed because of what other people might think.

It takes a shit-ton of courage to admit that maybe, JUST MAYBE...life might be awesome if we're not mom's. Maybe it is EXACTLY what was intended for us. Maybe we DON'T need to conform. Maybe forging our own path was exactly what we were supposed to do in the first place.

But I know. I get it.
It's scary to not be part of the popular crowd.
It's scary to be the odd one out.
It's fucking scary because you KNOW you are being JUDGED for supposedly NOT CARING ENOUGH.
For supposedly NOT TRYING ENOUGH.
For supposedly NOT WANTING IT ENOUGH.

But you know what?

I AM CALLING BULLSHIT.

I will continue to make my voice heard that life as a non-mom is just as valid and hard and exhausting and exciting and fulfilling and productive and USEFUL as that of a mom, just in a totally different way.

It's NOT a competition.

No one wins in this game, anyways. We all just try our best every damn day and hope to God we die peacefully in our sleep at the end of a very long and fulfilling life, preferably surrounded by a pile of puppies. At least, that's what I hope for.

Only a pile of assholes would bother judging each other, anyways.

Now to hop off my soap box....

As I said, something flipped in my brain and I woke up one day and just fully embraced my life and my future and my family and all our beautiful time together.

We are making plans to eliminate all our debt and loans and do all the things I have hesitated to do in the past....just in case....I became a mom.

But now,
There will be no more hesitations.
No more focusing on the past.
No more focusing on the what-ifs.
No more focusing on the if-only's.

You don't evolve as a human by wishing things went differently.
What was supposed to happen in your life, happened exactly as it should.

I was not meant to be a mother.
And that is totally, absolutely 100% okay.
It's not a place for pity-parties...it's a cause for celebration.

I now know and embrace my life path, and it does not include children.
So. What.

It's 100% okay to embrace the path less taken.
To carve out your own way.
To go opposite of the crowd.
To not be in the majority.

I am finding that I like the adventure of the unknown, anyways.
Thanks for reading. XO